THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT... YOU MISUNDERSTOOD
Has that ever happened to you? Someone is upset with you, and when you find out why, it turns out that they misinterpreted something you said or did. You feel awful; you never meant any harm.
This happens all the time. We have good intentions, and yet our actions have a negative impact on someone else. Our intent does not match the impact. And boy, when those two are not aligned, tempers can flare, and relationships can become awkward and tense. This happens at work, it occurs at home, and it happens in life.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
When someone “over-reacts” to something you have said or done, you may want to explore:
Was my wording, tone of voice, or body language what I intended?
Is there something else going on in this person’s life that may have triggered this response?
Have I considered possible microaggressions and cultural differences?
What am I missing?
When you “over-react” to something someone else has said or done, you may want to explore:
Once I get over my negative emotions, is there something for me to learn from this? Where is the growth opportunity?
What if the other party had good intentions?
Is my reaction due to the other person or related to something else going on in my life?
Did they say or do something that triggered me in a way that caused me to over-react?
What am I missing?
Check out this short video for more insights on Intent vs Impact. It’s a great use of 2 minutes!
As humans, we take incomplete information and fill in the blanks. Sometimes this is a great shortcut; other times, it gets us in trouble. As suggested in this prior post, what if we created an alternate narrative that makes the other person’s behavior understandable? What if we took things less personally? What if someone else’s extreme reaction has nothing at all to do with us?
HOLIDAYS
As we head into the holiday season, we will need to reacclimate to being around large groups of family and friends. After spending so much time apart, we may need to re-learn how to communicate effectively. Show yourself (and others) some compassion and, if you find yourself or others over-reacting or being triggered, remember to run through the questions above.
I am grateful to my family, friends, colleagues, and clients who, no doubt, have cut me some slack when I’ve said or behaved in a way that may have caused harm. Again, it was never my intent, and I will continue to work on aligning my intent and my impact.
Enjoy the holiday season!
